Oct 5, 2006

R-E, R-E-B, R-E-B-O-U-N-D

I got engaged on the rebound. True story.

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and the story of Kurt and I is a topic which frequently comes to mind. I guess the reason I still think about him and I is because I don't understand why I fought for that relationship so much. Kurt and I were extremely different. I was very career-driven; he played the X-Box all day, harboring dreams of becoming a writer. I prided myself on being very self-sufficient and responsible; it seemed like he expected everyone around him to take care of him, even after he turned 30. As I've said before, he was a real winner... not at all the type of guy I would normally go for. It's important to add that I hooked up with him on the tails of my relationship with a guy who I thought was "THE ONE."

His name was Chris. I call him that because he looked like Chris O'Donnell. I'm not joking. He was hot. We met by fluke and just hit it off. At the time, I was a senior in Psychology and he was a senior in Marketing. We were both super-career driven and were both in the process of applying to law schools. We were both movie buffs. We both loved books and writing. We both enjoyed outdoor activities; he was an avid biker, I enjoyed rollerblading. Naturally, we started dating.

Chris was unbelievably intelligent, and I thought that was the sexiest thing about him. (Well, that and his broad shoulders and six-pack abs, but I'm trying not to be shallow here.) Normal "dates" for us involved us hanging out in my apartment, with the TV turned to a hockey game while we were sprawled out in front of a Scrabble board. He knew how to cook and could make an incredible meal from scratch. Until Chris, I had never dated someone who made so many parts of me hum... I found him intellectually and emotionally stimulating, in addition to the physicalities between us. I swear, he would touch me on the shoulder, and my body would be on fire. I had never felt that kind of attraction before (and would not feel it again until Bauer.)

Then a lot of crap happened in his life and he needed to take some time to sort things out. I patiently waited until it became evident that he wasn't going to call me again. Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened between him and I. And then Kurt happened. Kurt had been sticking his head around while Chris and I were dating, and I didn't really think much of it... until I was broken-hearted over Chris and Kurt made his move.

So yeah. I started dating Kurt on the rebound. Initially, he was good to me and I thought I loved him, so when I proposed, I naturally said yes. I think the reason that relationship failed (besides the fact that he was a cheating scumbag) is due to the fact that I kept comparing him with Chris. Kurt couldn't cook; he wasn't hyper-driven, and so on and so on. To put it simply, Kurt couldn't measure up with Chris. In my mind, he never will. So, long story short: The BLS got engaged on the rebound.

What about you? Any similar stories out there, or am I the only fruitcake in the pantry?


At October 05, 2006 4:42 PM, Blogger Lex Fori said...

At least you got out before you signed the legal document.

I went to community college for two years before transfering to UC Berkeley where I finished out my Psychology degree. I lived in family student housing. The catch with family student housing is that you can't have *boyfriends* living with you, only spouses.

So, I married a guy I knew for six months so that we could live in family student housing together.

Needless to say, it didn't work out. I filed for divorce at the beginning of my 3L year, after having been married for 4 years, 11 months (at least I was smart enough to file before the five-year alimony mark =)

Your post begs the question - what happened to Chris? Are you still friends? Did he work his problems out? Are you still pining for him?

At October 05, 2006 5:40 PM, Blogger The BLS said...

As for Chris-- we eventually lost touch. I saw him once while I was still with Kurt (and the first thing he saw was my engagement ring--doh!) and he gave me the same reaction-- cheeks flushed, heart into my stomach, etc.

I am happy with Bauer, but yes, sometimes I wonder what might have been...

Timing sucks.

At October 05, 2006 7:32 PM, Blogger Butterflyfish said...

Yeah, I posted once about my 'could have been' and I get nostalgic too -- even though I am happy in my life. Post ishere if you're interested. Is it a chick thing or what?

At October 06, 2006 1:27 PM, Blogger Law-Rah said...

My best friend went through the exact same thing. (Although her first guy was *actually* named Chris.) The difference is that she ended up marrying her Kurt...and has been miserable for 4 years now. Glad you got out!

At October 08, 2006 3:32 PM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

Rebounds are very common. We all try NOT to do them but somehow they often happen anyway.

Learning experience, right?

At October 08, 2006 9:48 PM, Anonymous Thinking Fool said...

So, I married a guy I knew for six months so that we could live in family student housing together.

Why do I feel like I'm on Candid Camera all of a sudden?

At October 09, 2006 7:32 AM, Blogger First Year said...

Great story, I have been chained (I mean involved with) the same guy for 6 years (our anniversary just passed) but sometimes I wonder if there might not be something else out there. Maybe a grass is greener type of thing?

At October 09, 2006 2:16 PM, Blogger Jobu said...

I think after a long relationship it's natural to be attracted to the opposite of the ex, for better or worse. But at least you didn't get to the "'til death do us part" bit.

In the ranks of stupid things, getting engaged on the rebound doesn't even come close to, oh, say, deciding to go to law school..

At October 11, 2006 5:56 PM, Blogger Kitrah said...

When you move from the one that breaks your heart to the one that fits for now, it's easy to think he's The One. The hardest part is figuring out if he actually is T.O. or if you've fallen in the trap... Good for you that you figured it out before it became even more messy.

At October 13, 2006 11:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to belive in T.O. Not anymore. No such thing, as the one. Seriously.

Never ever trust your life with anyone. Humans, they change. It's true.

At October 17, 2006 4:23 PM, Blogger Ranando said...

Just remember,



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