Aug 20, 2006

Letter to Dad

Dear Dad,

Where has the time gone? I can't believe that you've been gone a year today. A lot of stuff has happened over this period of time, but the one thing that stays the same is this: I miss you. I don't know why you thought that you were just a blip on my radar screen and that I would be over your death minutes after it happened, because that's not possible. You were my father, and I have so many memories of you and stuff that we used to do together. I remember more each day. Even though these memories of you and I make me cry, I think that overall I'm incredibly lucky to have these memories. I was incredibly lucky to have a father like you.

Memories that I've had recently:
* When I was 5, I wanted a Crystal Barbie more than anything in the world. I remember the day that you came home with one for me. I was so happy, I was rendered speechless.
* I remember moving from HomeTown #1 to HomeTown#2 with you when I was 8. During one of those trips, I helped you move the deep freeze into the freezer, and it was such a hard job that sweat was dripping from your nose when we finished.
* How you used to sit up with me at nights when I would have nightmares. You would drink coffee, I would have milk, and you would make me tell you all about the dream I had and why it scared me.
* Summers in Alaska and how you used to put up with any type of music that I wanted to listen to. New Kids on the Block, Bryan Adams, and Color Me Badd all come to mind. In retrospect, I can't believe you'd tolerate them.
* I remember how you loved pepperoni and pineapple pizza from Pizza Hut.
* I'll never forget how you seemed to have the patience to push through my angry teen angst. I know I was a handful. What I don't know is how you managed to be so patient through it all.
* One of my favorite memories is from College Town #1. I was working and wasn't scheduled to get Thanksgiving off, even though it had been promised to me. I was freaking out because the dorms were going to close and I would have nowhere to stay, and you came out to stay with me in a motel for that weekend. We had Thanksgiving dinner at a chain restaurant. Looking around, you made the comment that it was the most depressing thing you had ever seen. We had a good laugh about it.
* Older Brother and I always used to joke about how much you thought we liked ham, even though neither of us were big fans.
* You loved Macaulay Culkin movies. I remember how you hugged me when we watched My Girl and how hard you laughed when we saw Home Alone in the theatre. You also took me to see The Good Son, even though I wasn't even close enough to the age to see an R-rated movie.
* Above all, I remember how you were always there for me. Whenever anything went wrong, I knew that I could always call you and how you would always have something to say. Most times I didn't agree, but you were usually right.

I think of you everyday, and everyday I wish that I could get just a few more minutes with you. I know it's selfish, but I feel like I took you for granted. I feel like I could have been a better daughter to you. Please know that I loved you very much and I will always love you and I will always work at making you proud.

I love you,



At August 20, 2006 6:37 AM, Blogger Law-Rah said...

Good Sunday morning cry. BLS, this is truly beautiful. I hope he is looking down and reading this.

At August 20, 2006 6:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was so very moving!

At August 20, 2006 7:49 AM, Blogger LawMommy said...

I have lots of things I could say to that post, but it all feels cliche and trite in cyberspace. I am glad you have such awesome and varied memories. I am sorry for your loss.

At August 20, 2006 9:58 AM, Blogger Lily Graypure said...

Your Dad sounds like he was a really great guy--so he probably knew all that and thought you were a terrific daughter to him.

Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am to still have mine.

At August 20, 2006 12:33 PM, Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

What a lovely, poignant post. I understand all too well how you feel my friend. Been there, done that.

If you are interested, check out my blog, "Reflections on Father's Day."

I bet your father was, and is, so proud of you.

At August 21, 2006 7:05 AM, Blogger Ranando said...

Very nice indeed.

I'm sure he's very proud of you...

There's on time like right now to tell people you love them.

At August 21, 2006 7:58 AM, Blogger Sharkbait said...

You are one lucky girl to have such fond memories of your father.

At August 21, 2006 11:05 AM, Blogger OLS said...

I'm sure your dad is very proud.

At August 21, 2006 2:33 PM, Blogger LawNut said...

I think your father is super proud of you. Very touching post.

At August 22, 2006 6:08 PM, Blogger First Year said...

HUG!! My thoughts are with you and your family. I am sorry for your loss, that was a beautiful letter.


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