Sep 29, 2005

Sorry, Dad, but the First Punch has Been Thrown

My sister and I have a troubled relationship. Part of it stems from the fact that she is technically old enough to be my mother (she's almost 50, with a son who is a month younger than me), but I think the biggest part of the problem stems from the fact that I am adopted. In her mind, adoption means that I'm not really my father's daughter, as there are no blood ties between my father and I. Never mind the fact that the law sees no difference between my sister and I or that my father never distinguished me as different from his "natural" children. Whatever. I'm used to it. She's hated me for my entire life... probably due to the fact that she wasn't the "only daughter" as soon as I entered the picture.

The relationship I have with my sister troubled my father. I'm not saying that I'm blameless in the matter, but for the record, I want to state that I haven't done much to provoke my sister. I think that she spends way too much time feeling sorry for herself. But that's just me. Anyway, my dad was concerned that after he was gone, my sister and I would fight. This led to me making my father a promise. It basically stated that after he was gone, I would make a point to not fight with my sister.

Yeah, that ended this weekend. After my father passed away, my sister kept his personal belongings in a storage unit. She did not make keys available to my brother or I. She kept his vehicles on her property... she did not make keys for the vehicles available to my brother or I. We were told to wait until we met wtih the lawyer to take care of everything. So my brother and I waited.... I called the lawyer to ask what needed to be done, and he stated that it was important for us to divide his personal belongings. So my brother and I met with my sister this last weekend to do that.

Yeah, it was a complete and utter joke. Everything that my father had wished for us to do was completely undermined by my sister. He wished for his three children to divide his belongings, but there were the three siblings.... and my sister's entire fucking family present at the storage unit. I thought this was grossly inappropriate and wished to say something, but bit my tongue on behalf of my father's memory. My father wanted us each of us to have two of his six guns... but there were no guns in the storage unit. Some expensive logging equipment was also missing. And then there was my dad's car.

Before my father passed away, he told my brother that I needed a new car and that I should have his car when he died. I had been planning on offering to purchase the car and pay for it out of my share of the inheritance. When I approached my sister about this, she was a complete and total bitch, stating that my father told HER to take the car, and that she had been driving it around without asking my brother and I (who each own a third of the vehicle) if this was okay. She did not make an offer to purchase the car. She just assumed that she was the rightful owner, and for that, I would like to kick her ass. I can't believe that she thinks she can get away with treating my brother and I this way.

It doesn't end there. After I left the storage unit, my brother approached my sister and stated, "You know, Dad did say that he wanted The BLS to have the car." My sister threw a hissy fit and stated, "I don't care! Dad's already spent $17,000 on new cars for her. She's not getting this car, too." (THE BLS'S RESPONSE: My father only bought me one car. It cost $12,661. How do I know that? He lost the mobility in his right hand in an accident years ago and couldn't write very well. He had ME write out the check for that amount. It's not my fault that she snooped through my dad's things and assumed that a check he had written out for $17,000 was for me.)

I know I promised my dad that I wouldn't fight. But my dad also told me something else as I was growing up. During my countless hours that I spent with my father over the course of my life, he repeatedly told me that I needed to stick up for myself. He brought me up to be a fighter, but when it comes to issues that involve me, I'm notorious for being a bit meek. For the record, I'm done being meek. I can't believe the sheer greed that my sister is exhibiting over my father's things. It's like she never really loved HIM, but just the things that he owned. I feel like my father's memory is being fleeced by this greed for monetary gain. And yeah, my brother and I are going to call her on it. She doesn't realize that these tangible things are not the only things on the line. If she succeeds in screwing my brother and I over, she'll lose us. Forever. Money only lasts so long, and if I know my sister like I think I do, she'll blow through it. My brother and I will quit speaking to her forever. She doesn't know what she's messing with.

She wants to fight? She's going to get one.

I'm sorry, Dad.


At September 29, 2005 3:10 PM, Blogger Earl said...

Nice blog BLS. check out that comment spot again for a clarification. thx.

At September 29, 2005 6:53 PM, Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Awww Hon, I am so sorry you are going through this. What a miserable situation to be in. It's very hard to take the high road when someone is being a greedy, low class wench.

For what it's worth I think you are right to stand up for yourself. And in no way are you dishonoring your father's memory. It sounds like you have done everything you can at this point. Fight for what is right!

I wish you the best.

At September 30, 2005 7:57 AM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

I have a feeling your dad's about to be really proud of your class and strength.

At September 30, 2005 6:14 PM, Blogger TLG said...

OMG. We had this same problem with my aunt this last month with my grandparents' things. She had already stolen and sold my great grandmother's jewlery, and she took her ceder chest that my grand mother promised to my sister before she died, AND my grandfather promised to my sister... IN MY AUNT'S PRESENCE. She said "i'm the granddaughter, therefore I should get it." My grandfather is sure it is already sold. The sanctimonious uber bitch also took ALL the photo albums. I saw them in her car and said her brother and my mother wanted to split them up, and I also told her if they lent them to me, I could scan them all and make ALL the photos available online because I have a really good scanner. This bitch told me she wants to put them on CD for nana and grandpap, bla bla bla, but also told me she DOESNT HAVE A COMPUTER. She said that she "wants to be the keeper of the photo albums." I coulda punched her then and there. Then she couldn't fricking figure out why my sister was pissed off at her, and had a problem with her, when my sister went into the basement for the chest and it was gone (sanctimonious bitch had moved it and had her husband drive away with it in hte 15 minutes that it took my mom to run my brother to work). You have my sympathies. There's nothing you can do with someone like that. And yeah, i know she only wants to sell the stuff she's taking. Then she t ried to get the washer and dryer, and my grandfather already signed with the realtor that they are to be sold with the house. She waswhining about how hers broke and bla bla bla, hoping my grandfather would offer it. I got the lawnmower and weedwacker because i have a yard and I've been borrowing mom's and she tried to get the weedwacker off of me with a sob story. Sorry, lady, I work full time and go to school full time, i dont have time to be lifting mom's heavy lawn mower into my car, dragging it to my house, mowing the lawn, then taking it back over there every two weeks.

it's not about the chest. it's not about the photo albums (though those are irreplaceable, and I wanted to make them available for everyone, instead of shutting them up instead of her tiny house where she can't find anything and wil lose them)... it's the other stuff going on here. It's that they don't mean anything to her--that they're pawns. She's a selfish bitch and she's just doing this in a power play.

I know how angry you are. I dont know how you're supposed to handle this. Rolling over ilets them know we'll roll over on other stuff later (of course, I fully expect when my grandparents pass--and they're near--to never have dealings with her ever again, oh god, I hope, please please)... but I always see cases where eveyone's fighting over stuff, and EVERYBODY just looks so petty and wrong... I don't know. We gave up on the trunk because we didn't want to upset my grandfather and kill him from the upset. Does "teaching" people like them a lesson work, or does it turn you into them? *sigh*

At this point, I hope she starts with me over something so I can cuss her out. It won't do anything for the situation, but it'll make me feel better.

At October 04, 2005 11:03 AM, Blogger The BLS said...

Eek... your situation sounds pretty similar to mine! Why is it when someone drops dead, SOMEONE in the family always gets greedy?

One of life's mysteries, I guess...


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