Jul 27, 2005

At Least Cobain HAD Talent! (DANGER: Bitter Ranting Ahead)

Okay... here's the situation. (I love starting sentences with lyrics from Will Smith songs... MAD props to anyone who can get that reference, although I'm remembering that the host of The Real Gilligan's Island says it too.) For the sake of protecting all involved (namely: The Bitter Law Student herself) I'm going to change some names around.

Anyway, so I have this horrendous Ex-From-Hell who we're going to call "Kurt," because he slightly resembled and therefore wanted to BE the former lead singer for the band Nirvana. Kurt and I dated... we were happy and decided that we wanted to get married. Then all hell broke loose and we split up. Reconciliation was in the works, though... so I continued to ride this merry-go-round for a YEAR AND A HALF. And it was always the same story. "I love you, but I don't know if I'm IN LOVE with you... but I think we'll end up getting back together." Blah blah blah.

Enter "Yoko," his supposed "best friend" (who is female: I already hear enough jokes about Kurt's sexual orientation... let's put them to bed right here) who was also supposed to be THE MAID OF HONOR in our wedding! (calling Rachel Greene, come in Rachel Greene!) Yoko also informed me that she had NO plans to move in on Kurt; that she and Kurt were just friends and that it would never change. (Anyone see where this is going?) Anyway, while Kurt and I continued on our strange little dance of doing-everything-you-do-when-you're-dating-without-calling-it-dating, I started to question his friendship with Yoko. You know, I thought it was weird when Yoko would call him at 2am, and when her dog died, and for what seemed like regular twenty-minute intervals. I deemed it odd when he "coincidentally" decided that he wanted to hang with HER on Valentine's Day instead of me... and HIS BIRTHDAY. (Yeah, I know... I'm so stupid I should be a contestant on The Gong Show.) Anyway, during this time, he insisted that he and Yoko were "just friends," and it took two people to point out to me that he was lying through his teeth: My therapist... and HIS MOTHER, who sold him out like the cheap whore he is.

So... upon hearing the words of Kurt's mother, I changed the locks on my apartment and told him to get his things out. THAT didn't happen until the weekend of July 4th... when I "moved him out"...essentially, placing his things in a storage unit.) Kurt and I had done some pretty serious bickering over this time frame, mainly over custody of MY dog. THAT's another post. Anyway, Yoko had been planning to go to graduate school in a place that Kurt would (and should) have had ZERO interest in. However, I've heard from mutual friends that Kurt quit his job and is planning to move there this fall. Yeah, Yoko and Kurt are SO not an item, right? Anyway. My friends (bless them) have heard me whine about Kurt for months, so I'm going to do everyone a favor and I'm going to tell him everything that I would LIKE to say to his face, but just can't. If you're ONE of those friends who have let me vent on their shoulder, feel free to skip the next paragraph (or six.)

I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry that you're over 30 now, and you still don't have a CLUE as to what you want to do with your life. I'm sorry that you seem to think that it's everyone's fault but yours. You think moving with Yoko is going to change anything? You think it's going to change the fact that you LIE and CHEAT on the women that you "claim"to love? You once told me that I had been raised to be a liar... what a great case of the pot calling the kettle black. I never lied to your face or led you to believe something that wasn't true. I'm not the one who toyed with people's emotions just because I could. That's the difference between you and me. You may not believe that I was brought up to be honest... but I was brought up with a conscience. You should really look that term up. Hell, I'll even buy you a dictionary so you can look it up.

I'm sorry that your life isn't what you want it to be, but don't you think you're a little too old for the things you want to do? The whole Peter Pan syndrome is NOT attractive to women your age, which is probably why your girlfriends keep getting younger and younger.. and when they inevitably grow up, as I did, they'll realize that you're nothing but a leech. If you wanted to do something with your life, you would have DONE it, or you'd be on the road to doing it... and dropping out of college (again) is NOT means of achieving your goals. You think a change of scenery (and women) is going to help you with your chronic depression... cause that follows you WHEREVER you try to run. Do you think you're going to get discovered out there? Cause, honey, if Soderburgh hasn't knocked on your door yet, chances are he's not gonna. Oh, and as for the whole Nirvana thing? Yeah, Kurt Cobain was amazing. But he lived an incredible life by the time he was 27... by my calculations, you're three years over that mark and counting. And besides, COBAIN HAD TALENT.

I'm not bitter that you didn't want me. In time, I'll thank you for being the selfish ass that you are. I'm bitter because I wasted so much of my life and my energy with you, and on you, wondering what you saw in Yoko instead of me... wondering why I wasn't good enough for you. I'm bitter because everytime I tried to make a clean break, you were there to make sure that it was something straight out of a bad episode of 90210: The Brenda Years. In my heart, I know we weren't a good fit. I was more ambitious and wanted more out of life than you knew what to do with. And you focused more time on your precious X-Box than on your dreams and that frustrated the hell out of me. I know that you would have cheated on me... repeatedly. I know that you would have lied to me... constantly. So, I'm thanking you already for getting the hell out of my life. And as for Yoko? Well, let's just say this: I thought she was smarter than that. Apparently not, as she's been "friends" with you for years and seen you do this merry-go-round with a number of women. She's not going to change you, and to quote some Savage Garden, "When the madness stops, then you will be alone." So, goodbye, Kurt. And Yoko? He's all yours. May God have mercy on your soul.

I don't know about you guys, but I feel better. Hopefully that will put an end to the drama in my life that was Kurt.

On to other news... my dad is back in the hospital. This time, he needed a blood transfusion. He's not a candidate for kidney dialysis, either, so the outlook seems to be bleak at this point. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, as we appreciate them.

Best of luck wishes go out to "Marilyn," my friend who JUST got her J.D. She's taking the BAR today (and Thursday and Friday,) as well as recovering from a case of strep throat! Isn't it ironic.. dontcha think? She wins the Super Trooper award from me today. You go, girl. :)


At July 29, 2005 2:29 PM, Blogger TLG said...

Wow, that was cathartic for me, too, and I've never been there :) My sister just broke up with a total asshat, so I'll pass along the link, I think you summed up her feelings too.

I'm also tired of people who blame others for them just not having the ambition or vision to get what they want in life. It might be a long, rocky road with a lot of twists and turns, you might not get to your destination... but you haveta at least go for it. NOTHING drops in your lap. Especially if you've got a game controler sitting there.

Hope things turn out OK for your dad.

At August 01, 2005 9:02 AM, Blogger The BLS said...

Thanks for your support. I've never heard the phrase "asshat" before, but I can see it making its way into my vocab, so thanks for that as well. :)


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